For International Women's Day this year, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the invisible pressures that we carry everyday - to be successful, to look a certain way; to meet expectations that often don’t align with our true selves. I know it can feel overwhelming at times and I also know that many of my clients, work colleagues, friends, also feel tied in some sort of way to these societal 'norms'. Because they are so ingrained, we often don't realise the impact they are having on our mental health. So, let me talk you through how we can learn to let go of society's expectations and live a life where you can enjoy the present moment; exactly where you are right now.
The Burden of Expectations
From a young age, we're taught to fit into predefined roles:
Be kind but not too assertive
Focus on a career but don’t neglect family
Look effortlessly beautiful but don’t appear vain
Be independent but don’t intimidate others
Sounds familiar, right? These resonated with me so much and it's only when really stopping to think about these conflicting expectations that I could see a clear link between the internal stress these bring and our low self-worth / poor mental health experiences. We often feel pressured to meet societal milestones on a specific timeline - landing the perfect job after we finish school / university, buying a house, settling down, having children, being a career woman whilst managing to keep up with being a mum, looking after the house, friendships, etc etc. When our lives don't follow this script, feelings of inadequacy or confusion about our decisions creep in. I definitely noticed as I was approaching 30 last year that these internal pressures heightened, things I'd never even thought about were becoming a constant stress and I couldn't understand why. But let me tell you, the truth is, you are not behind - there is no right timeline, no right way of living your life.
Breaking Free: How to Release These Pressures
Letting go of societal expectations doesn’t happen overnight, but here are three powerful shifts that helped ease the pressure for me (and hopefully for you too):
1. Shift from "Should" to "Want" - Ask yourself: Is this what I truly want, or is it what I think I should want? When we operate from "should," we make choices based on fear, external validation or comparison. Reframing your mindset to focus on what genuinely fulfils you is a game-changer!
2. Set Boundaries Without Guilt - Saying no doesn’t make you selfish. I can't say that loud enough. Prioritising your mental health and wellbeing is an act of self respect and shows an awareness of your own needs as a human being. The more we normalise boundary setting, the more we inspire other women to do the same
3. Redefine Success on Your Terms - Instead of measuring success with external achievements, focus on inner peace, growth, and fulfilment. Success could mean:
Feeling at home in your own body
Having the courage to walk away from toxic environments
Choosing rest without guilt
Creating a life that aligns with your values, not society’s timeline
A lasting thought to take away
Society’s expectations will always be there but they don’t have to define you. The more we focus on living in the future and creating plans for the future, the less time we have to be present; to actually enjoy things right now. Set yourself clear boundaries with things that are making you feel worse, whether that's social media, toxic friends or family; it can be hard to start but it will make so much difference to the way you feel about yourself. Find activities or tasks that you want to do and start doing them, whether it's once a week, once a month, start ticking things off and reminding yourself that your future doesn't have to fit into society's box, it doesn't have to look like how you imagined; it can be better than that - it can be yours.
If this resonated with you today, if you've ever felt the pressure of expectations please can I ask just one thing - next time you're speaking to a friend about this topic, remind them that they are enough; that going at their own pace is just right. Let's help uplift each other. Drop a comment, share this post, DM me - let's start a conversation around an expectation that we're choosing to let go of today!
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